It's not Terry's, it's bobbins.
Just how smug are those bastards at Terry's?
For years and years we've been told to "tap it and unwrap it" and for years and years households up and down the country have tapped the unyielding globe and found it to be unbreakable.
For years, Chocolate Orange lovers have found their own methods of getting into the rock-like globe of solid chocolate, like so many birds dashing snails against stones to get at the sweetmeats within. I myself can recall many a time when I have raised the ball above my head and hurled it furiously at the kitchen floor at the height of increasingly frustrated efforts to make it fall into those tempting 'segments' they show on the ads. Does it ever divide so neatly? Does it bollocks. You get three large lumps and millions of chocolate splinters.
So now, now, Terry's have realised this.
And we get Dawn French practically belming at us, telling us what silly billies we all are for having merely "tapped" our Chocolate Oranges all this time, when what we should be doing is "whacking" it. Well thank you, Terry's for pointing out what we've been doing wrong, all this time, when it was you who told us what to do in the first place.
What next, I ask you? Head & Shoulders telling us we were STUPID not to take two bottles into the shower, because *tchoh* everyone knows that two's better than one, innit? You shouldn't "wash and go" you should "wash, rinse, condition, rinse then go".
Maybe Gillette will bring out a new ad for a razor with only one blade, like the old days, because let's face it, how many more blades can they put on one stick without you having to use two hands to lift the thing? They'll say "having 5 blades slows you down, the new Gillette Mach 87 G-Force Hyper has just one blade so it's lighter for a warp-speed shave, leaving you more time in the morning for a wank" or something like that. But probably not the bit about the wank.
Stick your Chocolate Orange, Terry's, because everyone who's anyone and probably even Dawn French is eating Green & Blacks, so knickers to you.
For years and years we've been told to "tap it and unwrap it" and for years and years households up and down the country have tapped the unyielding globe and found it to be unbreakable.
For years, Chocolate Orange lovers have found their own methods of getting into the rock-like globe of solid chocolate, like so many birds dashing snails against stones to get at the sweetmeats within. I myself can recall many a time when I have raised the ball above my head and hurled it furiously at the kitchen floor at the height of increasingly frustrated efforts to make it fall into those tempting 'segments' they show on the ads. Does it ever divide so neatly? Does it bollocks. You get three large lumps and millions of chocolate splinters.
So now, now, Terry's have realised this.
And we get Dawn French practically belming at us, telling us what silly billies we all are for having merely "tapped" our Chocolate Oranges all this time, when what we should be doing is "whacking" it. Well thank you, Terry's for pointing out what we've been doing wrong, all this time, when it was you who told us what to do in the first place.
What next, I ask you? Head & Shoulders telling us we were STUPID not to take two bottles into the shower, because *tchoh* everyone knows that two's better than one, innit? You shouldn't "wash and go" you should "wash, rinse, condition, rinse then go".
Maybe Gillette will bring out a new ad for a razor with only one blade, like the old days, because let's face it, how many more blades can they put on one stick without you having to use two hands to lift the thing? They'll say "having 5 blades slows you down, the new Gillette Mach 87 G-Force Hyper has just one blade so it's lighter for a warp-speed shave, leaving you more time in the morning for a wank" or something like that. But probably not the bit about the wank.
Stick your Chocolate Orange, Terry's, because everyone who's anyone and probably even Dawn French is eating Green & Blacks, so knickers to you.
posted by sephene | 23:28
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home